“When the rice boils, it suddenly runs out,” “Water poured on a duck’s head,” “Husband is like a shirt, wife is like pants, whoever wears, whoever throws away” – these old proverbs speak to the difficulties in married life, where conflicts and disagreements can arise at any time. And what makes many couples most headache is “marital conflict resolution skills” – the secret to keeping the flame of family happiness alive.
Understanding the Root Causes of Marital Conflict
According to research by the Vietnam Institute for Family and Social Studies, marital conflicts often arise from common causes such as:
- Personality differences: “Each person’s personality, a unique trait,” each person carries different thoughts, viewpoints, and lifestyles, leading to disagreements in perceptions and problem-solving.
- Roles and responsibilities in the family: Unreasonable division of housework, finances, and childcare, leading to feelings of unfairness and disadvantage.
- Lack of communication and understanding: Not spending time talking and sharing with each other, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.
- Pressure from work and life: Pressure from work, economy, society, family… makes people easily irritable, leading to conflicts with their partners.
- Interference from both families: Excessive interference from both families regarding lifestyle and parenting can cause conflict and discord.
Tips to Resolve Marital Conflict
1. Identify the Root Cause
“Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will never be defeated,” before “fighting,” take time to understand the real cause of the conflict. It could be due to misunderstanding, lack of information, or both parties making mistakes. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, try to understand their feelings and thoughts.
2. Listen and Share
“Wise people listen, fools speak,” truly listen to what your partner wants to say, without interrupting or judging. After listening, share your feelings and thoughts honestly and openly, avoiding harsh or intense language.
3. Always Maintain Respect
“Kind words cost little, but are worth much,” during arguments, maintain a respectful attitude, avoid harsh or offensive words. Remember, the goal is to solve the problem, not to demean your partner’s dignity.
4. Use Positive Language
“Sweet words are like honey, bitter words are like salt,” choose positive language that expresses love and respect. Instead of “You never listen to me,” say “I love you, but I have a different thought…”.
5. Find Common Ground
“Many men, many minds,” after exchanging ideas, try to find common ground and come up with solutions that work for both of you. Remember, no one wins, no one loses, the ultimate goal is to maintain family happiness.
Practical Guidance
1. Quality Communication Time:
Spend private time: Schedule regular “date nights” to spend private time together, talking and sharing the joys and sorrows in life, as advised by Professor Nguyen Van A – family psychology expert, in the book “Family Happiness”: “Regular, sincere communication is the key to maintaining happiness.”
2. Focus on Solutions:
Always look to the future: Instead of “digging up” the past, focus on solutions for the present and future. Mr. Bui Van B, marriage counselor: “Set common goals for the family, overcome difficulties together.”
Happiness Story:
Lan and Tuan’s family once experienced many conflicts. When their children were young, Lan often nagged about Tuan “not knowing how to help his wife and children.” Tuan felt “bullied” and often got angry.
After understanding the root cause, they decided to spend time talking and listening. Lan realized she was too demanding, and Tuan lacked sharing. The two agreed to divide household chores reasonably. Since then, conflicts have gradually been resolved, and the couple’s love has become stronger.
Summary:
Marital conflict resolution skills require effort from both sides. Learn to listen, share, understand, respect, and find solutions together. Because, “Love, understanding, and sharing” are the keys to a fulfilling and happy married life.
You can learn more about other soft skills to maintain family happiness at 21st Century Skills Framework or Soft Skills Classes in Ho Chi Minh City.
Please contact us via phone number 0372666666 or visit the address 55 To Tien Thanh, Hanoi for direct consultation on marital conflict resolution skills. Our customer care team is always ready to support you 24/7.